The 12 Step Guide to Dating: (For Men)

Rules for Dating:

Remember:

1. Talk about your penis, a lot - (girls love this).

2. Talk about how good you are in bed (this will sexually excite a woman, making it more likely that you get laid quicker, thus saving you money on buying her drinks at the bar).

3. Use clever phrases such as, "Lets go halves on a baby" or "Lets get naked and see whose stronger"

4. Compliment the female on how pretty she looks (even if she's not) Basically, lie your ass off. (Your never going to get her in the sack if you tell her she looks like a bag of oatmeal.

5. Ask questions about her. (Woman love to hear themselves talk, and they love it even more when they talk about themselves). If she's not like this, then she has nothing to talk about because she has no personality. Excuse yourself right away if this is the case and go use the Restroom...don't come back.

6. Don't eat anything for dinner that's going to complicate oral sex. No one likes to have their privates smelling like onions and garlic; its tastes and smells bad enough down there already.

7. Point out other people's flaws around you. Point and laugh excessively as you do this. She'll admire your keen observations and sense of humor.

8. Don't coddle her...make her work for you affections. You can demonstrate this by purchasing drinks for other woman in the bar, and not for the woman you're with.

9. Get her drunk. (Do I really need to explain this one).

10. Get drunk yourself, so you can deny any wrongdoing the next day, and blame it all on the booze, as any good citizen would do.

11. If you haven't gotten any action, and its past 10pm, you need to lie even more. Sell yourself dammit! Tell her besides an enormous penis that you saved a child from a burning fire one time, and saved the child’s' kitty and teddy bear too!

12. Buy her another drink.